Tag Archives: Teeth

Letting Go: Sorting Through My STUFF

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I just watched the last piece of my Nana’s cherry wood set get hauled away.  I dragged that set with me from home to home for the last fourteen years and today, I let it go to an appreciative young man who was probably furnishing his first apartment.

I moved out of my parents’ house over 19 years ago.  Hurricane Sandy brought me back here temporarily.  My dental reconstruction is keeping me here a while longer.  Deciding it was better to have funds available to pay my various dentists than for storage fees, I cleared out my POD this weekend.

I am a fiercely independent person.  I do not enjoy asking for help.  However, this situation has required that I learn how to accept it and I am definitely grateful for the help that has been extended to me by friends and family.  I’d be lying if I said I was excited about the idea of sorting through all my crap and deciding what stays and what goes.  It’s a perfect beach weekend and that is where I would rather be.

Rather than dwell on the loss of my independence (and a good beach weekend) though; I’ve decided to view this as an opportunity to let go of what I don’t need and welcome a fresh start.  While I was looking through one box, I found a baseball card album filled with Steve Sax cards.  My boyfriend in college gave it to me as a birthday present one year.  I had remarked that Steve Sax had a cute tush and he thought it would be funny to give me all his cards.  It was funny but not funny enough to keep toting around decades after we broke up; especially when I never really wanted it in the first place.

The baseball card album was one of his better gifts too.  One year he gave me a toolbox filled with tools.  I didn’t want that either.  The nicest things one of my friends at the time said about it was “tell him next year, you want a jewelry box and to fill that up too.”  The rising chorus from my friends was “dump him” and eventually I did.  So, why do I still have this little album all these years later?  Who the fuck knows… I am a sentimental person but I think this is a good time to reevaluate what I want to keep in my life and what NEEDS to go.

I also have this sense that letting go of unnecessary stuff will make room for new and better things, opportunities and experiences in my life.  I think I will do a mental overhaul while I am at it and let go of accumulated fears, pains, frustrations and insecurities… I’m sure I have a book on that in one of these damn boxes…

What do you need to let go of?  Have you had a positive experience after letting go of items you no longer needed?  I would love to hear from you!

Love and blessings to all,

Cynthia

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Naturally Beautiful: What does it mean?

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This one is not so easy for me…

A week or so ago a video of Dustin Hoffmann went viral in which he described his experience of being perceived as a woman while prepping for his role in Tootsie.  It was very moving because he broke down when he realized that he couldn’t look as beautiful as he wanted to.  He realized that, as a woman, he would be passed over based on his appearance, despite being an interesting and worthwhile person in so many ways.  He realized that he, himself, had done that to many women who did not meet his physical requirements of beauty.

I found this particularly moving because I‘ve been struggling somewhat with my appearance since my top eight front teeth were damaged in March.  A friend of mine inquired about my “love life” recently, I sort of snorted and replied, “Hahahhaha, it would take a very special or very un-special man to look past my banged up grill.”

The funny part about all this is I am not a fussy gal.  Before this happened, you were just as likely to see me in sweats and no make-up, as you were to see me done up.  I’ve never been a perfect specimen but I was pretty and had learned over the years that I cleaned up well when I wanted to.  I just didn’t worry about it.  Now I do.  I am much more careful about putting myself together because I don’t feel like myself without my smile.  I wear a decent appliance that covers my missing front tooth but when I start to smile, I can feel my top lip getting close to the top edge of the device and I quickly yank it back down.  It really sucks being this self-conscious all the time.  And before I had the appliance, I did notice a difference in the way people reacted toward me.

I do know one special guy who never makes me feel self-conscious about the way I look, my dad.  A few weeks ago, he had to have a tooth pulled.  My dad is a handsome guy but he had a completely different attitude about it.  He made pirate noises and seemed to get a kick out of flashing his space at my mother.  He started referring to himself as Big Gap and me as Little Gap.  “You call that a gap, Cindy.  That’s not a gap.  This is a real gap!” He even convinced me to take this photo.  No small feat.  It is the first one since I fell.

Big Gap and Little Gap

I am not sure I can be as laid-back about my damaged teeth as Dad is, but this dental reconstruction is going to be a long haul and the final result is not guaranteed.  Soon I will have to wear braces for the first time in my life.  So, I realize it would be a good idea to figure how to handle the situation with grace and humor.  Maybe that is the most natural beauty you can acquire.  I haven’t got it all figured out yet but I am so grateful that I have Dad to light the way for me.

Love and blessings to all,

Cynthia

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justdragonfly

Being (a) Patient: The Long and Bumpy Road

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When you have an injury or illness that requires a long plan of treatment, you’re probably going to hit the wall more than once.  At least that’s been my experience thus far.

I have been having one of those weeks where I was starting to feel like the 10 steps I went forward in May to get my smile back…well, I fell back seven.  When you have 4 doctors (or in my case dentists: a periodontist, a prosthodontist, an orthodontist and an oral surgeon,) they aren’t always going to agree on everything.  I also found out it would be a miracle if I don’t end up with any pink porcelain (which is used to simulate gum tissue when there has been bone and/or gum tissue loss.)  And some of the people who are closest to me are sick of hearing about my teeth after four plus months and think I should stop seeking out the holy grail of treatment plans and just get on with the fuckin’ work already.

Can’t really blame ‘em there.  I am sick of it too.  I would love to just get on with the treatment already but I am also terrified.  I have felt like I have been putting a puzzle together in the dark since I fell.  Whenever I think I have all the pieces together, a light flashes on just long enough to reveal that something isn’t quite right yet.

I have made progress for sure.  I managed to avoid the plates and screws that the residents at the hospital wanted to put in my jaw.  I found a great oral surgeon who set my jaw and saved the other three teeth; they wanted to pull in the hospital.  I nixed the treatment plan that would have left me an 8 tooth bridge from upper premolar to premolar, as well as, the douche-bag perio who said it was my only option.  Thankfully, I’ve found a skilled team who can deliver on keeping me in all separate teeth.

So, what’s the problem then, right?  Four millimeters is the problem… four fuckin’ millimeters of vertical bone loss above my missing central incisor (or right front tooth to you and me.)  Between my body growing it and the bone graft(s), I need to gain 4mm (and have plenty of gum tissue) in order to avoid pink porcelain.  Is pink porcelain that big a deal?  Well, when you have a high smile line or a somewhat gummy smile like I do, it’s going to show.  I keep flashing on an image of a youngish Wayne Gretzky with his pink-topped crowns.  I couldn’t figure out why his upper gum looked like it had a squiggly dark line running through it at the time.  Now, I know it was pink porcelain.

My prosthodontist is an artist and I am sure even if pink porcelain is required that I won’t look like an ice hockey-player by the time he is done but, you know, I also will do everything in my power to make sure I gain those four fucking millimeters!

What experiences have you had as a patient?  How did you overcome them?  Is there anything you wish you had done differently looking back now?

Love and blessings to all,

Cynthia

Please follow me on Twitter.  Also, please LIKE my Facebook Page.

justdragonfly

Healing: Turning Why into What on the Road to Wellness

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Almost always, after a personal trauma or crisis, the big question is, “Why did this happen to me?” … Why now… why me?  I experienced a double whammy of this after I fell on March 2nd.

Falling down a flight of stairs and being injured like I was seemed so unfair; I had just begun to feel like I was getting my act together after Hurricane Sandy and now this… why?  I realized though I already knew why.  It’s pretty simple.  It happened because I was careless and there are no mulligans in situations like this one.  What I really wanted to know was how to turn back time and get to do it again but hold the handrail this time.  Not gonna happen, Cynthia.

The better question is “What can I learn from this?”  Another is “how do I become better for having had this experience?”

One of the best ways I have discovered since Hurricane Sandy to stop feeling sorry for myself is to start counting blessings.  What are my blessings?  1. I am alive.  Several people have shared stories with me of people who had an accident similar to mine but didn’t fare nearly as well. 2.  I am grateful for what is working well: my brain, internal organs and spine are fine.  I can walk and breathe.  3.  I am thankful for the support that I have:  My parents have been helping me in so many different ways since this happened: food, shelter, care, making phone calls, talking me for me, scheduling and driving me to doctor appointments.  My friends and relatives have been texting me to check in because they know my jaw is wired shut and I can’t talk.  My dog Chauncy has only really left my side to eat (and to tussle with my folks’ bichon Lucy)  since I have been home from the hospital. 4.  I found a good doctor who has begun putting my mouth back together.  5. Percocet (I normally avoid pharmaceuticals but this situation has proven exceptional.)   6.  The bruises are fading.  7.  The swelling is going down.  I am fortunate in that I can go on and on.

Since I have begun this shift from self-pity to gratitude, I have noticed that I feel better.  I have a road ahead of me to recover from this accident but starting out on the right foot seems to make a really big difference.  If whatever, you focus on tends to expand then I choose to focus on being positive and believing in my body’s innate ability to heal.

Another opportunity I have here is to learn how to help my body heal itself.  Did you know that sea veggies and foods containing pectin are effective at helping the body rid itself of radiation?  Apples do extra duty in my case because they are also rich in malic acid, a natural pain reliever.  I know I will learn even more about how proper nutrition will aid my recovery.

Lastly, I don’t have the chance for a do-over or un-fall but I can recognize that I need to be more mindful and be present in each moment.  Before this happened, I remember feeling like I never quite had enough time to do everything I needed or wanted to do.  When Hurricane Sandy hit, I realized that present moment is all we have.  This fall has reminded me of that in a way I can never forget.

Love and Blessings to all,

Cynthia

Follow me on Twitter.  My handle is @cynthialenz.

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Take a Little Time to be Grateful for Your Smile

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I had originally planned a completely different blog post for this week but circumstances have taken me in a very different direction…

I was out Saturday to dinner with some new and wonderful friends.  We bid each other good night and I turned and bounded down the stairs at Penn Station.  I still don’t know exactly what happened.  I do know I should have been holding the handrail but instead I went down the middle of the staircase at too fast a pace.  Maybe the stairs were wet from the bit of snow that fell but somehow I lost my balance and couldn’t regain it.  I hurtled down to the bottom and fell face first on the cement floor.

Fortunately for me, I managed to do this in front of a few paramedics, who out for the evening as well and on their way to catch their own train.  I tried to pull myself up as the worst pain I have ever felt in my life shot through my face.  Immediately, strong hands held me down and a voice said, “Don’t move.  Stay down hun.”  A white t-shirt was put in front of my face to staunch the blood that seemed to be everywhere.

They asked me a series of questions: What is your name?  How old are you?  … I was conscious the whole time and answered their questions.  I saw one tooth shoot out of my mouth on impact.  I ran my tongue over the others.  My nice straight teeth were suddenly like a jack o’ lantern’s.  I started to cry.  A hand stroked my hair and a woman said “it will be okay”.  Someone else bagged up my tooth and shoved it in my coat pocket.  An ambulance came a while later and I was rushed to a teaching hospital where for 2 days I was probed, pricked, tested, mri-ed and scanned in front of large groups of gaping interns.  Thankfully, I got out of there late Monday.

The current consensus is that my upper jaw is fractured but intact.  So, it may heal on its’ own.  My nose is also fractured but that may heal on its’ own as well.  My teeth met the floor through my lips.  They are currently stitched up inside and out.  I managed to joke this morning that it looked like I had a scorpion in my mouth with the end of its tail sticking out.

Oh but my teeth…  The Resident at the hospital refused to try to put my tooth back in after he heard it was on the floor at Penn Station.  I have several that are chipped, in the wrong position and there a few more that may not be saved.

I know it sounds a little vain to be focused on my teeth at a time like this.  After all, I was lucky indeed that I did not have any spinal damage or crack my head open.  Thankfully, my internal organs are fine.  I am also really fortunate to have support from wonderful family and friends.  To be honest though, I have cried every day over my teeth.

Me Chauncy and Coco

My smile wasn’t perfect.  I had an overbite (now an under bite); it was a little gummy on the left side.  The thing is though, it was mine.  Now, it will never be the same.  Months from now, I will have a new one and that is a really weird concept to have to wrap your head around.

This is what I have learned so far from this experience:  1. Smile at yourself and everyone else every chance you get and be grateful that you can.  2. hold on to the fucking handrail when you are using the stairs!  I wish I had.  A moment of carelessness has changed me forever.

Love and Blessings to all,

Cynthia

Follow me on twitter! My handle is @cynthialenz and LIKE my FB Page www.facebook.com\naturallyhealthyhappy