Jones Beach has always been one of my favorite places. Yet I had been avoiding the water, since Hurricane Sandy caused the bay to invade my little home last October, until yesterday. I was in a great mood after two doctors’ appointments: 1) the first confirmed that I have enough bone in my upper jaw for successful grafting and tooth implantation. 2) the second cleared me for all normal activity.
I was driving home from the second appointment when the beach started calling me home. I bypassed the parkway and kept heading south on instinct. When I got there, I bounded out of the car and hit the boardwalk with a feeling of absolute elation. It was like being welcomed with open arms to where I belong. The feelings of peace and healing I have always felt near the water were there just as they always have been my whole life. Any of the previous fear and disappointment I felt after the hurricane just evaporated.
I imagined if the ocean could talk, it would say, “It was nothing personal Cynthia. I am here to heal you. The storm had its’ way with all of us but we are both still here. So, is the love and it is infinite!”
It reminds me of a quote I came across a few years ago:
“The willow knows what the storm does not: that the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.”
Blood of the Martyr
My life has been a series of storms over the last seven months (punctuated by moments of happiness and the utmost gratefulness.) When you are getting hit with one challenge after another, you finally learn that you cannot control everything. The awareness that you cannot always know what is happening next and how to plan for it is overwhelming and frightening. I realized though that when nothing is logical anymore, and the challenges that are thrown my way seem so daunting and unfair, that it comes down to faith.
I recognized this week that when I have done everything I can do but I am afraid because I still don’t know what is going to happen, that I have to have faith that somehow it will all work out. When I look back over my life, I realize that it always has one way or the other. It’s hard to remember that when you are focused on your current problem or challenges. When you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s hard to remember what it looks like.
While I was walking the boardwalk yesterday, I kept peeking sideways to glance out over the ocean. I noticed while I was walking that in some places the dunes were too high to see the water. Although, I could not see it, I knew it was there and was still comforted by it. I knew shortly it would appear again. It occurred to me that faith is a lot like that. You don’t always get to see a clear path right away in finding a solution but somehow you find a way to get where you need to go. Challenges are how we grow and learn. Faith (and favorite places) is how we get through the scary parts.
Love and Blessings to all,