Category Archives: Hurricane Sandy

A Year after Super Storm Sandy: Challenges, Tumbles and Surviving It All with Gratitude!

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A year ago when all the hubbub started about Hurricane Sandy, like so many people in the area where I lived on the water in Amity Harbor, I didn’t take it very seriously.  Although, I lived on a canal, the warnings that were being issued seemed extreme. I had stayed home through Hurricane Irene the year before without the water even coming up my back steps.  So, in my mind, Sandy would probably only be slightly worse.

Chauncy and I hunkered down on October 29, 2012 with every intention of waiting it out.  And for most of the day, it appeared I had taken the right course.  Then around 7pm, things changed radically.  I waded through knee high water to move my car to higher ground.  Forty minutes later when I finally left with my dog and one bag that same water was up to my thighs and had begun pouring into my home from every conceivable point of entry including the sinks and toilet.

I was oddly pretty calm for someone driving around in the midst of a hurricane.  I picked up a stranded driver who was soaked to bone.  He warned me not to go west on Merrick Road because that was where his truck got stranded.  I deposited him at the pizza place where the emergency workers were staying.  I couldn’t stay there with Chauncy.  So, I had to move on.  (There are very few safe public places during catastrophes on Long Island for people with dogs.)

Chauncy was freaking out as we weaved around fallen trees on Sunrise Highway.  He kept trying to crawl inside me practically.  So, I eventually threw an entire bag of treats on the passenger seat to distract him.  First, we tried going west to my folks, and made it about 10 miles before the road was blocked off.  So, I turned around drove further East than where I started and ended up at a friend’s house in Bayshore.  Thankfully, her family was willing to take us both in.

The next day I went to my folks’ house and have been here since.  I thought by now I would be in my new apartment with Hurricane Sandy fading into an increasingly distant memory but a short five months later, I experienced an event that made Super Storm Sandy feel like a mere inconvenience.  On March 2nd, the day after I launched this blog, I fell down the stairs at the Madison Square Garden Entrance to Penn Station. I broke my upper jaw, lost a front tooth, damaged seven more top front teeth, ripped my upper lip completely through, sprained my wrist and broke my nose.

Given the opportunity to take that moment back and hold the handrail, I most certainly would take the mulligan.  I won’t have anything close to my smile back before 2015 (…and we are talking closer to 2016.)  However, several people have told me I would find the blessings in these events and they were right.  When something like this happens, at first you just want to crawl into a hole and disappear.  You wonder what you might have done to deserve such a shitty, fucking thing to happen to you … and in my case two shitty things in row.  You wonder, “is this going to be what breaks me?”  Then a little voice deep inside answers very confidently, “no, it’s going to make you stronger than you have ever been.”  Then you pick your head up and start noticing all the things you have to be grateful for like your family, your friends, your dog, the perfect strangers (who turned out to be paramedics) who stopped to help when you fell, all the flowers, cards, prayers, well wishes and good, competent doctors to help put you back together.  There is so much I have to be grateful for, I couldn’t possibly fit it all into this one blog post.  That is how fortunate I am!

There is one other thing I want to share with you and then I’ll wrap it up!  That is the lesson.  The most profound shift I have experienced since all of this happened is what I thought mattered before… most of it… doesn’t matter at all.  I used to sweat everything: my boss yelling at me, getting a ticket, a friend being distant, paying bills… any little negative thing could tip my mood.  The worse thing on my mind before I fell was that my car had a leaky head gasket.  It seems so silly now ruminating about how I was going to find a new apartment, furnish it and get a new car at the same time.  I thought THAT was something to feel sorry for myself about.  Now, I am looking at a $30K-$40K dental reconstruction.  It’s okay though because getting my smile back to me is priceless!

Love and blessings to all.

Cynthia

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justdragonfly

Letting Go: Sorting Through My STUFF

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I just watched the last piece of my Nana’s cherry wood set get hauled away.  I dragged that set with me from home to home for the last fourteen years and today, I let it go to an appreciative young man who was probably furnishing his first apartment.

I moved out of my parents’ house over 19 years ago.  Hurricane Sandy brought me back here temporarily.  My dental reconstruction is keeping me here a while longer.  Deciding it was better to have funds available to pay my various dentists than for storage fees, I cleared out my POD this weekend.

I am a fiercely independent person.  I do not enjoy asking for help.  However, this situation has required that I learn how to accept it and I am definitely grateful for the help that has been extended to me by friends and family.  I’d be lying if I said I was excited about the idea of sorting through all my crap and deciding what stays and what goes.  It’s a perfect beach weekend and that is where I would rather be.

Rather than dwell on the loss of my independence (and a good beach weekend) though; I’ve decided to view this as an opportunity to let go of what I don’t need and welcome a fresh start.  While I was looking through one box, I found a baseball card album filled with Steve Sax cards.  My boyfriend in college gave it to me as a birthday present one year.  I had remarked that Steve Sax had a cute tush and he thought it would be funny to give me all his cards.  It was funny but not funny enough to keep toting around decades after we broke up; especially when I never really wanted it in the first place.

The baseball card album was one of his better gifts too.  One year he gave me a toolbox filled with tools.  I didn’t want that either.  The nicest things one of my friends at the time said about it was “tell him next year, you want a jewelry box and to fill that up too.”  The rising chorus from my friends was “dump him” and eventually I did.  So, why do I still have this little album all these years later?  Who the fuck knows… I am a sentimental person but I think this is a good time to reevaluate what I want to keep in my life and what NEEDS to go.

I also have this sense that letting go of unnecessary stuff will make room for new and better things, opportunities and experiences in my life.  I think I will do a mental overhaul while I am at it and let go of accumulated fears, pains, frustrations and insecurities… I’m sure I have a book on that in one of these damn boxes…

What do you need to let go of?  Have you had a positive experience after letting go of items you no longer needed?  I would love to hear from you!

Love and blessings to all,

Cynthia

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Failure or Fuel for Growth: Seeing The Forest Through The Trees

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While I was walking at the park near where I live, I stopped to meditate on the scene in front of me.  The spot I was staring at still had a lot of trees that had fallen or broken during Hurricane Sandy.  Workers had cleared the paths but left large limbs and trunks just wherever they fell.  So nature would take care of them, in the places where you are not encouraged to walk.

I thought about these trees for a while.  Some of them had grown tall before the storm had taken them down.  Many had probably been quite majestic.  Yet for one reason or another, they could not withstand the wind, maybe their roots were too weak or another tree fell on top of them.  At first glance, it appears like such a tragedy…such waste.  The funny thing is though Nature never wastes anything.

fallen tree1

These fallen trees are still alive with potential.  They are now home to various wildlife, who will shelter in them, until they are too decayed to provide a home anymore.  Moment by moment, the earth is reclaiming her precious leafy babies as fuel to grow new more glorious descendants of themselves

That’s when it struck me that in nature, there is no such thing as failure.  Everything gets recycled to rise again.  It got me thinking about my own failures in life.  Maybe my mistakes could provide fuel for future growth too.  As a human, it can be hard to face up to the embarrassing defeats we have had.   Forget a few fallen trees; at times my life has looked like a fuckin’ California wildfire whipped through it… At least, I tried though.  While sometimes, it may not seem like much.  In reality, it’s everything because you can’t get anywhere if you never make an attempt.  Making mistakes is how you learn what not to do again.  (Of course, sometimes you make them more than once before you learn that lesson…. but that’s a WHOLE other blog post…)  Thomas Edison probably understood this better than anyone. He has been quoted as having said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Why are we so afraid of failing anyway?  Is it really so important to get everything right all the time?  I mean really, think of all the times you failed… chances are that no one died; no great fury was released on the world… maybe it was sad or a little embarrassing (maybe very sad and very embarrassing) but that was probably about it, right?  We sometimes crave approval and acceptance so much that we are afraid to fail.  It seems like someone must be keeping score.  Who wants to come up short or be criticized?  Not me.  I totally get it but as Aristotle said, “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”

Love and Blessings to all,

Cynthia

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Keeping the Faith: Going home to the Sea

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Jones Beach has always been one of my favorite places.  Yet I had been avoiding the water, since Hurricane Sandy caused the bay to invade my little home last October, until yesterday.  I was in a great mood after two doctors’ appointments: 1) the first confirmed that I have enough bone in my upper jaw for successful grafting and tooth implantation. 2) the second cleared me for all normal activity.

I was driving home from the second appointment when the beach started calling me home.  I bypassed the parkway and kept heading south on instinct.  When I got there, I bounded out of the car and hit the boardwalk with a feeling of absolute elation.  It was like being welcomed with open arms to where I belong.  The feelings of peace and healing I have always felt near the water were there just as they always have been my whole life.  Any of the previous fear and disappointment I felt after the hurricane just evaporated.

I imagined if the ocean could talk, it would say, “It was nothing personal Cynthia.  I am here to heal you.  The storm had its’ way with all of us but we are both still here.  So, is the love and it is infinite!”

It reminds me of a quote I came across a few years ago:

“The willow knows what the storm does not: that the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.”

Blood of the Martyr

My life has been a series of storms over the last seven months (punctuated by moments of happiness and the utmost gratefulness.)  When you are getting hit with one challenge after another, you finally learn that you cannot control everything.  The awareness that you cannot always know what is happening next and how to plan for it is overwhelming and frightening.  I realized though that when nothing is logical anymore, and the challenges that are thrown my way seem so daunting and unfair, that it comes down to faith.

I recognized this week that when I have done everything I can do but I am afraid because I still don’t know what is going to happen, that I have to have faith that somehow it will all work out.  When I look back over my life, I realize that it always has one way or the other.  It’s hard to remember that when you are focused on your current problem or challenges.  When you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s hard to remember what it looks like.

While I was walking the boardwalk yesterday, I kept peeking sideways to glance out over the ocean.  I noticed while I was walking that in some places the dunes were too high to see the water.  Although, I could not see it, I knew it was there and was still comforted by it.  I knew shortly it would appear again.  It occurred to me that faith is a lot like that.  You don’t always get to see a clear path right away in finding a solution but somehow you find a way to get where you need to go.  Challenges are how we grow and learn.  Faith (and favorite places) is how we get through the scary parts.

Love and Blessings to all,

Cynthia

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